Monday, March 17, 2008


DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) -- Mark Twain Award projects Dave Kettering as the winner of the 2008 Telegraph Herald editorial department chili cook off.

BC-Chili Voting, 3rd Ld, 0217
Dave Kettering declared the winner of the 2008 Telegraph Herald editorial department chili cook off.
Eds: APNewsNow. Will be led. Sample Bowls Available.

Associated Press Writer

DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) -- Dave Kettering won the 2008 Telegraph Herald editorial department chili cook off.
Mark Twain Award made the call at the conclusion of voting Sunday at Ken and Roxane Brown's house, site of this year's cook off.
Kettering won the annual contest for the first time, with a basic Texas-style chili simply featuring London broil and sauce.
Tradition calls for victorious chili makers to host the contest the next year.

Friday, March 14, 2008

"Their costumes, as to architecture, were the latest fashion intensified"

MARK TWAIN AWARD's year-long victory tour will likely involve countless jet-setting trips and state visits.
Local "high society" members recently bestowed their approval on the Associated Press accolade, as evidenced by this meeting with ultra-fashionable AMERICAN GIRL DOLLS KATIE (the brunette) and ELIZABETH (the blond having more fun).
Ooh. It appears Katie is sporting a GIANNI VERSACE original. Stunning in its elegance.
Bold? I'd say Elizabeth is bold!
She's a veritable trail-blazer here, wearing yet another ground-breaking piece by the Japanese designer ISSEY MIYAKE.
How can she pull off these electrifying fashion choices time after time after time?
Mark Twain himself once said of America: "We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty."
So, is it any real surprise that Mark Twain Award chose this liberating work by America's own DONNA KARAN? Brilliant choice. Quite stunning in the way it accentuates his every feature. Brealthless, that is. Indeed.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

You can tell by the way Mark Twain Award uses his walk, he's a woman's man, no time to talk

His hair is wild and voluminous enough that MARK TWAIN AWARD was a natural guest at MIKE DAY and family's "Big Hair Days and Boogie Nights" party, a belated 70s and 80s-themed Halloween celebration held in the basement of Sacred Heart Church on Saturday night.
Twain grooved to the music, from the Bee Gees to Bon Jovi, and hobnobbed with assorted hippies, a former hair band lead singer and a George Michael look-alike.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Mark Twain Award had WAAAAAY more fun than you did this winter

Scan the ocean waves, and a feeling of timeless serenity descends upon you, the soothing, timeless rhythm of the -- hold on! -- what's MARK TWAIN AWARD doing there?!
Oh I get it: While the rest of us were endlessly chipping away at our ice-encased sidewalks, Twain was basking in the FLORIDA SUN with TELEGRAPH HERALD FEATURES EDITOR JIM SWENSON and his wife KRISTEN.

Well, they had a nice time from the looks of things. There's plenty of sand, discarded clothing... suntan lotion... towels... clothes again... shoes... more... clothes... no hint of any swimsui-- hey! What kind of a beach *WAS* this anyway?
Come to think of it, Twain did return with no visible tan lines.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Fiddle while Rome burns? We'd rather eat FUNYUNS® while our cabinets are dismantled!

The arrival of the MARK TWAIN AWARD happened to coincide with the systematic destruction of the TELEGRAPH HERALD newsroom.
Fear not, however, because rumor has it a bright, sparkling modern newsroom will rise from the dust of the currently dismantled newsroom.
Like journalists everywhere, we celebrated the demise of our surroundings by eating.
Here, the award helps himself to FUNYUNS®, a "food" that makes its presence felt at every notable Telegraph Herald function. (You can learn more about FUNYUNS® by clicking here.)
We might hold a similar celebration when the construction dust has finally settled. Mark Twain Award might even broaden his palate. Perhaps we'll introduce him to DORITOS®.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Twain Love is Like Bad Medicine

After many long months of waiting, CLETE, KORI, JESS and MARK finally made it to the greatest concert in the world!
Unfortunately, we only had three tickets to see BON JOVI, so Mark had to hide in Clete's pocket for a suffocating three hours. By the time he made it out, Mark was in such a bad mood, he would only pose for one photo with a smile. I was under the impression that Bon Jovi could lighten anyone's mood, but I guess the depths of Clete's pockets are far more traumatic than we could have ever anticipated.